In my last blog I talked about the importance of understanding anger and where it comes from. I shared with you that the source of most of our anger comes from us feeling some sort of a perceived threat. A threat that we believe is going to result in some kind of negative impact on us.
What makes you angry?
Now that we have a better understanding of the source of anger, I want to talk about how we recognize and become better aware of what triggers our anger. Just like anything else, if we don’t admit that something is going on, there’s no way we can take positive action to correct it and resolve it moving forward.
For most of us, we feel it when we’re angry; we feel it in our gut. Our body says, “You’re angry!”
So the first thing we want to do is recognize and admit to ourselves that we’re angry about something. Don’t just ignore it and think that it’ll go away or it’ll pass because it won’t. Instead, it’s going to fester over time, and it’s just going to become more and more of a problem. So permit yourself to admit you’re angry. Feel it, experience it.
Anger is an emotion, we all feel it, and it’s ok to feel it. Honestly, the more comfortable we get in sensing and experiencing our anger, the better we’re going to become at dealing with it and conquering it.
Honesty is crucial at this point.
The next thing we need to do is figure out and dig deep to understand what’s triggering this anger for us. People always ask me how they know what their triggers are. The critical question to ask yourself is what is it about this person or this situation that’s making me angry. Then really look deep inside yourself and be honest about what it is that’s making you angry.
How is it making you really feel? This is the time when we have to be honest with ourselves. It’s vital because you’re never going to figure out what that trigger is if you are not truly honest with yourself about where it’s coming from. We get triggered for many reasons, including times when we feel disrespected or powerless in a situation, or we felt embarrassed or ignored.
Find the root cause and pull it out.
Many of us, and I fall into this all the time, tend to get angry when someone violates our values. So tons of different triggers can cause us to be angry. But the critical thing here is to ask yourself what it is about that person or situation that is making you angry. Take the time you need to understand what’s at the root cause. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but if you start practicing and push yourself out of your comfort zone to figure out what the reason is, you’re going to be able to get a handle on it.
Once you get a handle on what’s causing it, only then can you figure out how to conquer it.
If you’d like some help figuring out what your triggers are deep down, I’m here to help, please schedule time to connect with me by clicking here.